beautiful collisions

and i always make the same tragic mistakes because i always fall into the same traps. not because i don't see them, but because each time, everytime, i believe it will be different.

because i can't quite convince myself that its been one too many and its time to give up. And to grow up.

Each time the opportunity arises I will happily trade in the real world, with its complicated web of obligations and responsibilities, for yet another brief encounter with romance. Fleeting, yes; it is a completely unreliable way to structure one's decision making processes, and yet it is so bloody seductive. Why would I say no to one more chance at a neatly packaged psuedo fairytale, complete with a prince charming willing to buy into the illusion? Why would I say no to chemistry and friction?

Don't for one minute imagine that I don't see the folly in what i'm doing. i've always known, but its never hurt this much for a while. despite what i said; despite what i say and will continue to say should you ask, something in me sank when i saw you kiss her.

completely unjustified, all things considered. but no one tells the heart how to feel or whether or not it should sink at any given moment in time. So sink it did and right now it sits in the pit of my stomach, waiting for me to do the sensible thing and decide that you're no longer worth my time. But of course that won't happen because this is entirely my own fault. having told you (and him) to expect nothing from me, i lose the right to any reciprocal considerations. And that is as fair as it gets.

And what is there to do but make more bad decisions, and hope for another chance encounter; another beautiful collision?

xx