spiral

Re-reading my previous heartbroken posts I realise i have a penchant for overwrought romance. It is apparently very easy to convince my heart that it's been stolen, and then my mind goes and the rest of me happily buys into the drama, into that familiar feeling of being in love

To quote a dear friend, being in love with nothing but love means that the subject - or object - of this love is irrelevant, that anyone can step in to fill the gap, and in the end, there is no love, only a self-referential pursuit of a non-signifier that's doomed to disappoint.

So I am unwilling to make promises this time. Once again I could repeat my own cliches, and pretend that I've never felt this way before, that I've never wanted to wake up to anyone as much as I have you, that oh, i believe this is real, this time. Even though I feel it, i know by now how terribly unreliable my feelings are.

And this time it's some other heart at stake. This time, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that no matter what, there are loving arms that await me, that if i turned around and walk away from you right here right now it would be possible for me to feel very little regret.

Don't make it so easy to break your heart, please, meu amor, please. Because I don't want to. I don't. I don't